Posted on Posted in askIBK, Life, Relationships

Dear IBK,

I have been in several relationships in the past. Right now, I am in a particular relationship and this time I want to know what God thinks, his disposition towards the relationship, whether the guy is the man for me, whether God wants me to continue in the relationship to marriage, if I am even in the right relationship, and if it is what God wants for me. I seriously need revelation.



Hey Nneka!

Thanks for reaching out.

Woah a lot of questions but God’s grace is sufficient!

Here goes….

A very wise senior friend once told me that marriage is not automatic, it’s hard work!

So first thing I would like to say is ‘NO PRESSURE’.

I understand that doesn’t sound realistic as this is Africa, Nigeria to be precise and the pressure is pleeeeeeeennnnnntttttttyyyyy!!!!

But just take a deep breathe as it is better to face that pressure of getting married than to be pressured into making the wrong decision in marriage.

I heard a preacher once say that marriage is the only school you never graduate from.

Now that could be scary; so it’s best to be sure you get into the right school, right? Great!

About your questions; I see a desire to hear from God and that for me is a step in the right direction, so I want to assure you that God is also willing to speak to you.

As a matter of fact God is always speaking.

How do I know this? See Psalm 32v8 


“However, you may ask How do you hear God speak?

Well the honest reality is that since God is always speaking, it is us who fail to hear.

Relax, I’ll definitely back that up with a scripture:


Note that the scripture said that the sheep hear his voice and they know his voice.

Hearing his voice is not the problem, it is knowing that it is God’s voice that becomes the problem.

“The beautiful part is the fact that you feel the need to get answers.

This shows that God is already speaking to you.”

So I took this amazing course between May and June that changed my whole relationship with God.

It’s called “Experiencing God” by Henry Blackaby. I recommend it for you too.

The course gave me a better understanding of how God speaks and what to look out for when I want to hear from God.

  1. Prayer: Prayer is a two way communication with God, so if you’re like me that has actual conversations with God, you should be able to get him speak to you expressly.
  2. The Bible: A lot of times we want God to speak to us, but we have failed to hearken to his teachings through the Bible. Refer to my previous post on the #SwordandArrow column tagged #LightGang. It talks about the word and it’s importance to us as Christians. One scripture stands out for me which is in Psalm 119 v 130:It basically tells us that God’s word gives understanding, so when confused, read the scriptures.
  3. Circumstances: HAHA, this one go cause trouble! But be patient it will come to you! It is important to know that God is always at work around us, and most times, he reaches out to us through our circumstances. The unfortunate part is that we also write some of these happenstances off as mere coincidences, meanwhile, it is God speaking to you. Read Prov 16 v 9 and Psalms 37 v 23. When God speaks through circumstances, you’ll know because it will be a confirmation of what he’s been saying all along through the Bible and also prayer. So I’ll put this in perspective; you have prayed for God’s clear intention on your marriage and suddenly you start observing that your partner’s disposition changes and you also then find out things that he has been hiding and would have caused issues in the marriage… this might just be a confirmation! When you see strings of events line up in a manner that seems consistent with what God has been saying, it’s important to be still and seek the face of God. Ask God what he’s trying to tell you and he will surely reveal himself to you – Yes! It is that simple!
  4. The Church: Ever heard that scripture in Heb 10 v 25: When I say church, the tendencies to want to think I’m referring to a particular building or denomination is very high and that notion would be wrong as I am referring to people that make up the congregation. The people are the real church! Still in doubt? The body of Christ, and God also confirms his word through the brethren. Disclaimer: It is important to have the spirit of discernment and also go back to God with whatever ‘RHEMA’ your brethren share with you concerning a decision that you want to take. Be like the Berean Generation (Acts 17v11) . When God speaks through the brethren, you must go back and search the scriptures to get confirmation.

All in all, the most important thing in hearing from God is to have a relationship with him.

And the beautiful thing is that God himself desires to have a relationship with you, and he’s pursuing you daily.

 “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.

If anyone should hear My voice and open the door,

then I will come in to him

and will dine with him,

and he with Me”.

–  Rev 3v20

You need to give him a chance and let him into your life and it will all make sense again.  

Thanks for reading, I would really love if you can share your opinions, questions, additions in the comments section, someone could really do with a wider perspective on the question!

Open Letter to Someone who needs Help


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Columnist Bio 
IBK is a Believer in Jesus Christ and proud to be! A Critique of everything 
possible and fathomable, a Scholar, Speaker, Counselor, Author, Musician and 
Role model to many. He is what goes on in his head, which is the most intriguing 
place for any human being to be in (ha-ha See what I did there). An HR Professional 
by day and a Super Hero by night, dedicating his life to fighting crimes and the 
forces of evil or so he likes to think.


  1. As much as I can see that the answer given is a scriptural and a logical process, I think the foundational issue is your relationship with God.
    If you do not have a relationship with God you might not really understand His language even when He is speaking to You!

  2. Pastor IBK…thank you for this post. You really do dedicate your life to fighting crimes and the forces of evil as God I am guessing is the X ingredient which was not accidently put there.

  3. So I agree with hearing from God, I also believe you can do a checklist for yourself. Galatians 5 vs 22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” compare your man with this qualities… is he kind, good, faithful, does he have self control (very important what is he like when he’s angry or “horny”) etc. If he says he loves you, does he act like he does? use 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” Is his love in accordance to this? These are the few things you can also try to do. Self assessment, Use the word of God to prepare your checklist and grade your man. you can also say you heard from God through his word this way (lol don’t quote me ooo please askibk)

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