[ASK IBK] DEAR IBK, I AM 20 AND STILL A VIRGIN, DO YOU ADVISE ME TO DATE NOW?

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Dear IBK
Is it wrong for me not to have dated any guy? Like I am 20 and I am still a virgin, My family is giving me problems with this….please help me and do you advice me to date a guy now??
Silvia.

 

Dear Silvia,

Thanks for reaching out. My response might be a bit too long, my apologies.
I understand how difficult it is to have never been in a relationship in our world of today.
Hearing tales of beautiful relationships and amazing sexual experiences from friends and family makes it even more difficult as you begin to feel like there may be something wrong with you.
Well guess what my dear, there is Absolutely Nothing Wrong With You, and there are loads of amazing people out there who share my opinion.
I pondered over your questions and I promise not to sound cliche, however, where the situation demands, I’ll tell you the bitter truth which you may or may have not heard before.
Because I am a typical Yoruba boy, I decided to answer your questions with more questions of my own:
  1. What standards determine what is right or wrong when it comes to dating or not dating?
  2. Is it wrong to be a virgin? 
  3. Why do you think you need to date a guy now?

What standards determine what is right or wrong when it comes to dating or not dating?

Realistically, if we go with what society says is right and wrong concerning dating, you would be setting yourself up for a roller coaster ride of back and forth that you could have well easily avoided.
Don’t believe me? I’m sure you know a friend who knows a friend who has had her heart broken by an ex, a.k.a Yoruba Demon (lol)
You do not need validation from anyone or any man in the guise of a relationship.
So if I am to answer out rightly, the only standard for what is acceptable in a relationship is God’s standard. 
The ultimate way to find the right relationship is to discover the character of a person before making any commitment to him.

Is it wrong to be a virgin? 

That’s an outright No!
If it was wrong you wouldn’t have been born a virgin!
I have heard this quote ‘Virginity is not Dignity, it’s lack of opportunity’ Oh Please!
It’s the most misleading and untrue statement in the history of statements.
Your virginity is not just a commitment to God, but also to yourself.
A commitment that you would not make yourself vulnerable to every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes your way.
Be Patient; focus on improving yourself and learning to be the best version of yourself.
Do not let society make you do otherwise.

Why do you think you need to date a guy now?

One of the biggest mistakes one can make is to enter into any relationship – whether business or pleasure – for the wrong reasons.
You know that quote ever so well ‘If the purpose of a thing is not defined, abuse is inevitable’ 
Beyond anything else, you should first stop and ask yourself why you need to date a guy!
Is it to satisfy others or yourself so people can refer to you as ‘Relationship Goals’?
Some people who rushed into relationships also rushed out; some were unlucky and left with an eternal scar.
TBH, it is better to stay out of a relationship if you are not ready seeing how Songs of Solomon 8v4 rightly put it ‘Not to awaken Love until the time is right’
When you end up in the wrong relationship you only open yourself up to hurts and disappointments.
All in all talk really is cheap and you’ll need to ask yourself the Most Important question which is

WHY?

Why am I here today not having been in a relationship?

Is it by Chance? A personal Decision?

Or boys have never caught my fancy for one reason or the other.

 
When you have identified this, the next thing is to understand how to sustain this without offending God.
Don’t worry, I’ll tell you.
 
The solution to be able to maintain this Godly value is to start a relationship with God.
Let the love to please Him and be within His will become your motive; with His help and guide, you will be able to withstand every pressure.

You need to first fall in Love with Jesus and the right man will fall in Love with You.

I’ll leave you with this parable of 2 rats.
These rats were trying to get to the city from a village to pick up their cheese .
This village only one rail line to the city.
Different trains came but only one of those trains would end up at the city.
The particular train came only once in 7 days and there was no specific pattern to it’s arrival.
So Rat A, would jump on any train that came, and 20 minutes into the journey, the conductor would then shout the destination.
Rat A would then realize he’s on the wrong train and then jump off and would have to walk back to the point where he boarded the train.
He kept on at this and eventually got worn out in the process.
Rat B on the other hand would wait and ask the conductor where the destination of the train is and since the train is not going its way, he will step back and wait for the next train.
Eventually the right train came along and while Rat A was walking back worn out and hungry to the train stop after jumping off yet another mistaken train, Rat B was high and dry on the right train and arrived the city just in time to pick it’s cheese.
So which of these rats would you rather be?
A or B?

Open Letter to Someone who needs Help

Hey,

Do you have something you want to talk about?

Or you need somebody just to talk to?

Then you should reach out to us for a safe and private conversation.

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askibk@askibk.com or just click the ask button in the home page.

 

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Columnist Bio
IBK is a Believer in Jesus Christ and proud to be! A Critique of everything 
possible and fathomable, a Scholar, Speaker, Counselor, Author, Musician and 
Role model to many. He is what goes on in his head, which is the most intriguing 
place for any human being to be in (ha-ha See what I did there). An HR Professional 
by day and a Super Hero by night, dedicating his life to fighting crimes and the 
forces of evil or so he likes to think.

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