“The key to forgiving and letting go is embedded in reckless love” – Caleb Ekpenyong
I remember crying and whimpering like a child in the comfort of my room that bore no comfort for the depressing mode I had found myself at the time. I wanted to die. Not hide but die. Why was this? I felt worthless, hopeless and unloved. For every look that was casted my way; to me, was judgment for being ‘not good enough – a failure’.
This tide of depression had fun hovering over me but then, I was surrounded by awesome and very loving personas that infiltrated my space with love.
I was so overwhelmed by it that I would later on refer to it as ‘reckless love’ because that was just the way I felt it was – ‘completely unabashed love’. It brought a different kind of spice to my journey, one I was and will always be grateful for. I found a new courage and renewed strength to live, to not give up on life – on my journey. I don’t know at what point I got here but I remember praying for the grace to love just as much as I was showered with the sweet perfumed petals that was love. When I heard what ‘A’ had said behind my back, I would feel a deep pang of pain and a wave of shame would wash over me but then I would after a while walk up to them, smile and hug them with the one word that would always stun them – “Thank you for being a friend. I love you”.
Reckless love was the one way for me to live, dream and breathe. I had so much of it I felt I needed to give it all out in the same measure as I had received it. At first it felt foolish and dumb but over time because it eased my pain and shame, I gave in to not just receiving but showing and giving it to people I knew and thought looked down on me because of my failure; who judged me not good enough for their company.
Maybe I never expected any outcome but then I saw it when it walked towards me, I could feel and touch it – it was the honest tears drifting from their eyes when they asked why I loved them, did I not know that they had judged me unfairly, that they mocked me? It was humility and it was love. I saw hope and faith lurk in the corner with a smile on their faces and I could read what they were saying to me just then – very well done! Love conquers all.
Frankly, I never would have thought that I could love them. Not with the many daggered words they had plunged in my back. My heart was heavy and the pain would literally cut through my marrows but the most unlikely people whispered love to me in my lowly state and in turn triggered my bouncing forward notion – ‘the one I become will catch me’. The transition wasn’t a smooth sailing one, I found myself in all of these, struggling to give in to either hate or love. The choice was mine to make. To either walk with my head bowed or held up high, to laugh and smile or to bask in the cascade of depression that lay in wait to embrace me.
Columnist Bio KLEB_1905 is an old-young human species; always particular about sharing the wild imaginative characters in his head. He has seen God! He is a transactional lawyer, part time speaker, writer and a thespian. He’s an arts-lover, nature-lover, and a ‘love’ addict. He thinks he likes making friends but people say he is a glorified introvert – he knows this is not true, in doubt?? Ask IBK!